Don't panic, but there's a disabled spy satellite hurtling toward Earth.

Although scientists have no control over the 10-ton piece of espionage equipment (I bet Bill Belichick has the remote), they say it'll probably crash into the ocean or some uninhabited wasteland.

"Numerous satellites over the years have come out of orbit and fallen harmlessly," said Gordon Johndroe, a spokesman for the National Security Council. "We are looking at potential options to mitigate any possible damage this satellite may cause."

The machine is fueled by hydrazine, a substance that wreaks havoc on the central nervous system. So, when the spaceship hits the fan -- or in this case, the planet -- toxic chemicals could be released.

Call me paranoid, but this situation sounds a lot like the plot of "Night of the Living Dead."

I watched the classic horror flick last night and, sure enough, the zombie outbreak that plagued Evans City in 1968 was attributed to radiation emanating from a busted space probe.

Maybe George Romero works for NASA.

The satellite is expected to drop in late February, which is around the same time the director's latest creature feature, "Diary of the Dead," invades theaters.

If I was Romero, I'd use this galactic fiasco to increase my box office sales.

In an age when viral marketing campaigns are more entertaining than the movies they're promoting, this one could literally be out-of-this-world.

My idea is relatively simple and inexpensive, perfect for a filmmaker on a shoestring budget.

Step 1: Using MySpace.com and other social networking sites, recruit a bunch of people from around the globe to dress up as zombies. (This shouldn't be hard to do in Pittsburgh, where the undead are slightly more popular than Donnie Iris.)

Step 2: When the satellite lands, send a mass e-mail instructing the flesh-eating thespians to shamble around their local mall.

Step 3: Sit back and enjoy the doomsday hysteria.

Shoppers will either be terrified, amused or annoyed to find glorified trick-or-treaters holding up the Cinnabon line, but they might be compelled to ask one of the ghouls what the heck is going on.

That's when the zombie will break character and encourage them to go see "Diary of the Dead." Even folks who shop at Banana Republic need a good scare now and then.

Of course, this satellite snafu could have dire consequences.

If director Michael Bay catches wind of it, he'll subject us all to an "Armageddon" sequel. I don't know about you, but I'd rather let a zombie slurp out my brain than watch Ben Affleck save the world again.

I'll be glued to CNN for the next few weeks, awaiting word on the satellite's fate. In the unlikely event that its impact wakes the dead, just take a cue from Romero and aim for the head.